hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
