i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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