We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
