remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
