im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bring me that man meat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
