margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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