he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
