i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
