my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
