Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
