after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
