He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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