Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
