Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
