I wanna passion pit in your ass
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are we still banned from the library?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
