Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
