My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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