I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
