Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
