can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
