I want to stick my p in your. b.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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