Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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