She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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