I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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