Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
