Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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