I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
