I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
