i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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