sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
