Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
