I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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