We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
