I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
