i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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