it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
