i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
