I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
