i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
