I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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