You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
