we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
