so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
