whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
