every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
