I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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