It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
