if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
