sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
