I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
wow bdsm is so cute
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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