i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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