are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
