mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
