I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
