she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
