if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
