I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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