he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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